So says the wise Katy Perry đ Iâm sure youâll agree that, at times, life can feel just like that â a plastic bag floating about in the wind. It can be difficult to find a balance between rationality and emotion when emotions seem to take over. However, there is a solution. Adopting The Wise Mind. This is a core skill taught in Dialectical Behavior therapy, specifically as part of the mindfulness module â and thereâs a good reason for that. After reading this guide, you will:
Know What Wise Mind is, Have Step-by-step instructions on how to adopt a wise mind, Understand how this DBT skill can help with decision-making in your life, See how adopting Wise Mind helps make you happier, remain objective and can influence your future behavior.
What is Wise Mind?
The Wise Mind is a combination of two other states of mind, the Reasonable Mind and the Emotional Mind, and it is one of the fundamental concepts in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). What is a Reasonable Mind? The Reasonable Mind (or Rational Mind) operates on logical thinking, relying on facts and evidence to make decisions. It thinks about things logically and critically and considers pros and cons to arrive at rational conclusions. What is Emotional Mind? The Emotional Mind is driven by pure emotion, often leading to impulsive behaviors and interpretations of various situations (does that sound familiar?). It operates on intense feelings, influencing thoughts and behaviours without considering logical reasoningâI guess we would call that impulsive. When you access Wise Mind, you combine the Rational Mind with the Emotional Mind, allowing you to achieve the best of both rational thinking and emotional awareness. It involves tapping into both reasoning and emotional resources to gain a more practical understanding of a situation or experience. As Marsha M. Linehan, the creator of DBT, explains:
Reasons You Need to Know About Wise Mind
Adopting a wise mind can be difficult, especially when your emotional mind and rational mind seem to be battling regularly. However, itâs a valuable skill that can help you manage your emotions, live effectively, and derive happiness frequently. Iâve practised this skill numerous times and want to share some of the learnings Iâve derived, as well as my process for adopting a wise mind. Hereâs a list of reasons the skill is essential and relevant: Wise Mind forms a core part of Mindfulness in Dialectical Behavior Therapy It will make therapy easier as youâll have some insider knowledge on the difference between a reasonable mind and an emotional mind and how to practice a wise mind. Practicing this skill will help you understand the emotional mind You can tune in to your emotions with greater clarity when you practice the wise mind skill. This means understanding why you feel the way you do and, more importantly, how to handle those emotions in a way that works for you. Itâs like having an emotional compass that guides you through lifeâs ups and downs, helping you stay on course even during tough times. Youâll know more about reasonable mind Think of reasonable or rational mind as your brainy, rational sidekick. When you know more about the reasonable mind, you learn to recognise when to put on your logical thinking cap. Itâs like having a trusted advisor who helps you make balanced and sensible decisions, especially when emotions are running high. Understanding this balance between emotions and logic can be a game-changer, leading to wiser choices and a more balanced approach to lifeâs challenges. It is an opportunity to practice mindful breathing View this as your daily dose of mental and emotional self-care. When you integrate mindful breathing into your wise mind practice, you give yourself the gift of being present in the moment. Itâs like pressing the reset button, allowing you to centre yourself, find calm, and build a stronger connection between your mind and body. This simple yet powerful practice can be your secret weapon for managing the complexities of daily life with clarity and composure. With all that being said, letâs look at what you can do to adopt a wise mind.
Step-By-Step Instructions to Adopt Wise Mind
Adopting a wise mind will not happen overnight, nor will it happen by just doing this once. However, if you practice this skill and ground yourself in the present moment, you can gain a deep sense of happiness and well-being. Iâve chosen these steps based on what I feel has helped me most throughout my journey and what I was taught during my own DBT sessions. Itâs easy as 1-2-3!
Step 1 â Ask Yourself Why You Need Wise Mind
At the core of adopting wise mind is understanding why you need to do it. Wise Mind isnât just a technique, itâs actually a pathway to achieving balance between your logic and your feelings. That might seem difficult at the moment, but having the will and the reasoning behind why you want to master your feelings is crucial. Bear in mind that this is also about understanding your reasonable mind and your emotional mind and not favouring one over the other, even if thatâs your gut feeling. Finding this balance is important because it will lead to fulfilment and happiness if you can master it.
Reflect: Think about how you feel right now, reading this. What is your current emotional state? Are your feelings often based on subjective perceptions or rigid logical reasoning? Knowing your inclination helps pinpoint the need for a Wise Mind. Think about moments where youâve struggled finding the balance between emotion and rationale. Listen to yourself. Areas of Need: Think about places where Wise Mind could be valuable and bring about positive change. Perhaps itâs your relationships, maybe in your career, or perhaps itâs just personal challenges you face. Identifying these will give you some tangible focus on which to base your Wise Mind practice. Visualise: Try this as a visualization exercise. Cast your mind to the future and think about what your future happiness could look like when youâve found a balance between your reasonable and emotional minds. See yourself as happy gaining control over emotions yet still acknowledging them as necessary, understanding that itâs not effective to see both states of mind as extremes; instead, they are balanced.
Use this as the foundation of your Wise Mind practice. See it as a way of acknowledging emotion, mind, and reasonable mind together.
Step 2 â Practice Wise Mind Exercises
With a foundation laid, the next thing to do is practice. Weâve heard the expression âPractice makes perfect,â but I guess a more accurate way of seeing this is âPractice makes permanent.â This is what we want. Practicing these exercises regularly will ensure they become second nature. Youâll find that adopting a wise mind doesnât take much effort, as youâll be naturally in that frame of mind because of your practice.
Mindfulness Meditation: Start with mindfulness meditation focused on the breath. Sit quietly, directing your attention to your breathing, observing each inhale and exhale. Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 2 seconds, and then exhale for 5 seconds. This exercise aims to ground you to the present moment. Itâs important because you must be conscious of the present to acknowledge your emotional and reasonable mind. Observing Thoughts and Emotions: Engage in exercises that involve observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. View your thoughts and emotions non-judgmentally, floating down a stream. Acknowledge their presence but do not get swept away by them. Try this now: Close your eyes. Slowly imagine a feeling you either are or have felt in the past. Once you have it clear, release it to the stream and see it slowly float away. Continue to imagine this until you think you are in a wise mind. Practising this will allow you to remain objective and help you recognise the distinction and interplay between your emotional and rational selves. Wise Mind Imagery: Visualise a place where you feel calm, safe, and wise. It could be a real or imagined space. When faced with a decision or a stressful situation, mentally transport yourself to this place. Ask yourself, âWhat would my Wise Mind say?â Try this when youâre not stressed. Try it on the bus while travelling from one place to another, or maybe when youâre sitting on a park bench on a nice day. The Wise Mind Dialogue: Regularly set aside time for a âWise Mind dialogueâ. Write down or verbally express a current challenge or decision. List what your Reasonable Mind says, then what your Emotional Mind says. Finally, try to discern what your Wise Mind would suggest. I find that asking myself, âHow would your Wise Mind feel?â works well. Try to shift focus from emotional mind to reasonable mind and back again. View it as a repetition exercise, just like strength or weight training. By doing it more regularly, youâll become better at it.
Itâs normal to find practice in this way challenging at first. Persistence is key. Remember, youâre trying to find a balanced approach between logic and emotion.
Step 3 â Combine Wise Mind with Other Skills
If youâre currently in DBT or going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, youâll know that various other skills are taught and can help with your wise mind practice. Practicing Opposite Action: Opposite action is a DBT skill that involves acting in a manner opposite to the emotional urge you are experiencing, especially when the urge is ineffective. For example, if you feel like isolating yourself due to sadness, you can instead reach out to a friend or engage in a social activity. When you do this, youâre making an active decision, thinking about what you can do to alleviate your feelings. Youâre not just robotically looking at it from a rational mind, nor are you acting on pure emotion. This is why I feel itâs useful for practicing wise minds. Engaging in Self-Soothe Activities: Self-soothe activities help you comfort yourself when experiencing distress. These activities can involve soothing sensory experiences, such as taking a warm bath, relaxing music, or indulging in a comforting treat. Again, youâre taking an active stance. Youâre thinking about how you feel and considering your situation from multiple perspectives. Hereâs a video that I think does an excellent job of explaining things you can do to self-soothe: As you practice this, I suggest going back to the Wise Mind dialogue from above. Utilizing PLEASE Mastery: PLEASE mastery is a set of self-care behaviours that promote physical and emotional well-being. It stands for treating Physical Illness, Balanced Eating, Avoiding Mood-Altering Substances, Balanced Sleep, and Getting Exercise. If you feel you can only do one or two at a time, thatâs ok. For me, balanced eating and exercise really help. Working up a sweat and mindfully eating ( one of my favourite mindfulness exercises) my well-prepared food ground me, and usually, after Iâm done, I feel much better about myself.
Key Considerations for Successfully Adopting Wise Mind
Hopefully, the suggestions above are a good starting point for you. There are many ways to adopt a wise mind, so donât feel like what Iâve suggested is the only way to do it. Seeing things from a wise mind perspective is one way to improve your happiness. Remember that adopting a wise mind is not just about rigidly following a set of instructions but about cultivating a mindset that balances your emotions with your rational thoughts. This balance will help you traverse lifeâs challenges and find some happiness as it can remove some of the issues that you may face. Be patient and kind to yourself. This all takes time. Itâs normal to encounter frustrating moments as you try to apply a new mindset. You havenât failed until you give up. So donât give up. Do your best to remain curious, donât judge yourself. Explore what your patterns of emotion and thinking teach you about yourself.
Taking it to the Next Level: How To Use Wise Mind In Your Day-to-Day
You can also practice in your daily life. You donât just have to set aside time. Actually, this is probably one of the best ways to improve your ability to adopt a wise mind. In Work:
When youâre in meetings or conversations, make a conscious effort to listen to others truly. Try to fully grasp their perspectives before sharing your thoughts.
In Relationships:
Make it a priority to communicate openly and honestly in your relationships, and try to understand your emotions and those of others. When conflicts or disagreements arise, use the principles of the wise mind to guide your approach. Aim to find solutions that respect both the rational and emotional aspects of the situation.
Wrapping Up and My Experience With Wise Mind
Bear in mind that this is just one skill you can use. DBT trains us to think about so many things from different perspectives. But if you could only adopt one, then a wise mind is worthwhile. It helps you think from different perspectives and take a more balanced approach. I love this skill because it allows me to take some time out, stop and think, and use other skills that Iâve learned. Most importantly, it contributes to my happinessâand quite frankly, thatâs priceless. I hope youâve enjoyed learning a bit more about this skill. If you want to work on finding more happiness, then adopting the how skill is for you.
